Lessons learned from postponing happiness.
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Deferring Life
Recently, I finished reading the Four-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss. Somewhat late to the party, I admit, the Four-Hour Work Week may be considered one of the most influential books of the 2000s, especially if you are an entrepreneur.
In the book, Ferriss discusses what he calls the deferred life path, that is, those who work all their lives, waiting for retirement, in the hope that one day they will have the time to do the things they want.
This deferred life path is incredibly common, and it is very likely that everyone reading this will know somebody who is using this approach, working a 9–5 job for 40+ years to save for retirement before living their life.
While you don’t absolutely have to be a side hustle passive income productivity machine, and working a 9–5 can be perfectly fine for some people, a 9–5 can sometimes lead to deferring life. However, one thing I’ve noticed is that deferring also goes beyond those who work the standard 9–5 office job.
Consistently Delaying Gratification
In the self-improvement space, the practice of delaying gratification is a topic widely discussed. That is, the process of sacrificing gratification today for more in the future.
Arguably, delaying gratification can be seen as a good thing, particularly if the thing we are delaying is a Netflix binge to work on a critical university assignment. This is because there is a good chance that working on an important assignment will bring you greater long-term happiness than watching Netflix.
But what happens when we reverse this? What happens when you delay gratification week after week, year after year, for the promise of future happiness? Isn’t this just the deferred life path?
As much as the productivity gurus might encourage you to put in 12-hour days for months on end and to postpone short-term gratification, as Oliver Burkeman said in Four Thousand Hours, you cannot delay indefinitely. This brings me to the first reason why you should not delay gratification.
Why You Shouldn’t Delay
1. Your Existence is Finite
Without wanting to state the obvious, we all have a finite amount of time on this planet, yet most of us don’t live like it. We go to work day after day, in the hope that we can eventually save enough to retire, putting life on hold until an unspecified date in the future when we can begin living.
But one day we will all wake up for the last time, and we don’t know when this will be.
“Our lives, thanks to their finitude, are inevitably full of activities that we’re doing for the very last time.” — Oliver Burkeman
So unless you are 100% confident that you would knowingly spend your last day on earth doing precisely what you are doing right now, perhaps it’s not the best idea to gamble your happiness on a tomorrow that is never guaranteed. Happiness that you can sometimes feel from some degree of gratification today.
Because gratification doesn’t necessarily have to be going out and buying a Porsche or Rolex, or scrolling Instagram for six hours. Gratification can be an impromptu coffee date, or staying up late playing video games with friends.
Our lives are a series of small moments, not big events. Yet, we often ignore the former, waiting for the latter, assuming that when we reach the big event this will result in permanent happiness.
But all that happens is we adapt to the new situation, which becomes our baseline, and then set a new goal. Continuing to miss the small moments, and we chase the next best thing we believe will bring happiness.
One of the things that has always stuck with me from my hospital placement is that elderly people, particularly those coming towards the end of their life, appreciate everything. This, I believe, is because life is no longer taken for granted as it perhaps once was.
As someone born and raised in the UK, I fully understand the power of a good cup of tea — the stereotype holds. However, another reason I believe older people in particular appreciate little things like a cup of tea is because they’ve opted out of the wider competition. The competition to make more money, get a bigger house and a better car.
After years of chasing, they have realised that more money, a bigger house or a better car did not make them happy. What made them happy was appreciating what they did have, be that a cup of tea or spending time with loved ones, rather than thinking about what they don’t.
Money isn’t the only way that to experience gratification and happiness, and we should certainly consider other reasons for engaging in an activity. In my article Writing Online Won’t Make You a Millionaire I discussed some of the unexpected benefits of writing online, outside of money.
As I grow older, this is something I strive to do, find the non-financial benefits or engaging in an activity, or trying to appreciate the little things because…
2. There’s More to Life Than Money
One of my favourite quotes over the past few years comes from a podcast episode with the author of Just Keep Buying, Nick Maggiulli:
“At some point you’re going to have to sell. We are not here to just accumulate money and die.” — Nick Maggiulli
Although the first part relates to investing specifically, it’s the latter part that is particularly important. We are not here to just accumulate money and die.
In the same vein, we also aren’t here to simply accumulate things and die. Can someone tell Floyd Mayweather that he can’t take his Rolex watches with him?
I believe this is where much of the negativity surrounding gratification comes from, that gratification can only come from buying things. However, this is simply not true — experiences can be gratifying, spending time with family can be gratifying.
Productivity gurus worldwide will tell you that you have to make sacrifices to be successful, or when you’re not working, other people are. However, the same people will neglect to mention that you can receive gratification and still be successful — arguably even more so because…
3. You Work Better When Rewarded
Have you ever had one of those days when your to-do list was stupidly long, but you had plans in the evening, so you got it done?
While Parkinson’s law may be partially responsible for this, after all, you essentially created a deadline for yourself by making plans in the evening, I believe the reward also acts as motivation to increase your capacity for work.
Rewards are better when they’re earned, and in the words of Joe Rogan:
“You don’t truly appreciate relaxation unless you’ve worked hard.” — Joe Rogan
Conversely, in my opinion at least, you don’t work as hard if the reward is too distant.
Telling someone they could have £1,000,000 in the bank in 40 years does nothing for motivation today. The distance between here and there is too great. But telling someone they can reward themselves with a date with their partner or drinks with friends shortens that distance, subsequently increasing motivation over the short term.
Rewarding yourself is not only a good way to increase motivation today, it’s a good way to minimise regret tomorrow because when you delay gratification you always have to consider the cost.
4. What Do You Lose?
How many times have you worked late into the night, telling your partner that you’ll come to bed soon or telling your children you’ll be with them in 5 more minutes. Then you proceed to do the same tomorrow night or take longer than 5 minutes.
For me, this is arguably the biggest downside to delaying gratification. Similar to the deferred life path, only, instead of deferring retirement, we defer time with loved ones.
We become so preoccupied with being successful and convince ourselves that we are doing it for them that we can sometimes get a little carried away.
I once read a random comment from a Reddit user that, I think, is appropriate here…
“I can confirm that it’s easy to get sucked into the idea that you should chase money. Fast-forward twenty years, and you will realise two things: the whole ‘hustle culture’ is propaganda by the powerful to convince you that money is all. However, once you have enough to get by, money matters very little. The most precious thing you will ever have is time.” — Unknown
Now, I’m not fully convinced that hustle culture is entirely propaganda, maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but I certainly agree with the latter part — that once you have enough, money matters very little.
Do you have a roof over your head, do you have savings, do you have a relatively stable income — isn’t that enough?
I’ve fallen victim to this many times, the belief that you constantly need more money, a bigger house or a better car, but it’s always important to remember one thing…
When you opt into the rat race, you don’t lose your money, you lose the time it takes to get it. You lose the chance to make memories. You lose your life.
“Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.” — Dolly Parton
Summary
In some situations, delaying gratification is necessary. For example, postponing video games to hand in a university assignment on time. But this can sometimes bleed into other areas of our lives, where we begin postponing the very things that matter to us to chase the next best thing.
I know this because I have done it before, and many of the topics I write about here are lessons I’ve learned from putting important things off. Postponing time with family to pursue the next goal, or cancelling date night to tick one more thing off the to-do list.
Gratification goes far beyond simply playing video games, and can come from much more meaningful pursuits — so be careful what it is you’re postponing because it may bring success, but it might also bring regret.
Book Recommendations
I just wanted to add a few links to the books mentioned in this article because all of these have improved my happiness to varying degrees, and they are definitely worth a read:
Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman
The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan
Just Keep Buying by Nick Maggiulli
Die With Zero by Bill Perkins
The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss
Thank You
If you made it this far, thank you — I appreciate you taking the time to read my work and sincerely hope you enjoyed it. If you would like to continue reading, I’ve included a few of my recent articles from my website below. I’d love it if you could check them out!
Thanks again.
Rob
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